Moral support requested
short joke
by johnbamberger » Wed May 30, 2012 11:06 pm
Did you hear about the resturant on the Moon?
Great food but no atmosphere.
Take care, Bernie
Great food but no atmosphere.
Take care, Bernie
- johnbamberger
- Posts: 55
- Joined: Tue Jul 03, 2012 2:34 pm
by george barnard » Thu May 31, 2012 1:01 am
A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, “Where did you get that?”
The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, “You can have anything you want”.”
The first student responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you”.
OR.....
A group of ten top software engineers is sent to a class for aspiring managers. The teacher walks in and asks this question:
“You work for a software company which develops avionics (software that controls the instruments of an airplane). One day you are taking a business trip. As you get on the plane you see a plaque that says this plane is using a beta of the software your team developed. Who would get off?”
Nine developers raised their hands. The teacher looked at the tenth and asked, “Why would you stay on?”
The tenth said, “if my team wrote the software, the plane would not get off the ground, much less crash.”
OR...
Three men are talking: A programmer, a doctor, and a lawyer. The lawyer says, “Man, the only way is to have a mistress. With all these divorce suits, it’s terrible. The only way is to have a mistress.” The doctor says, “Are you kidding? With all the STDs out there, you want a wife and that’s it.” The programmer says, “You need both a wife and a mistress. Because when you’re not with the mistress, she’ll assume you’re with your wife, and when you’re not with your wife, she’ll assume you’re with your mistress, and THAT leaves you more time to be in the lab programming!”
[img:6001c2d0bc]http://funkyplaygrounddesigns.com/forums/images/smilies/spit.gif[/img:6001c2d0bc]
GET WELL!!!!
The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, “You can have anything you want”.”
The first student responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you”.
OR.....
A group of ten top software engineers is sent to a class for aspiring managers. The teacher walks in and asks this question:
“You work for a software company which develops avionics (software that controls the instruments of an airplane). One day you are taking a business trip. As you get on the plane you see a plaque that says this plane is using a beta of the software your team developed. Who would get off?”
Nine developers raised their hands. The teacher looked at the tenth and asked, “Why would you stay on?”
The tenth said, “if my team wrote the software, the plane would not get off the ground, much less crash.”
OR...
Three men are talking: A programmer, a doctor, and a lawyer. The lawyer says, “Man, the only way is to have a mistress. With all these divorce suits, it’s terrible. The only way is to have a mistress.” The doctor says, “Are you kidding? With all the STDs out there, you want a wife and that’s it.” The programmer says, “You need both a wife and a mistress. Because when you’re not with the mistress, she’ll assume you’re with your wife, and when you’re not with your wife, she’ll assume you’re with your mistress, and THAT leaves you more time to be in the lab programming!”
[img:6001c2d0bc]http://funkyplaygrounddesigns.com/forums/images/smilies/spit.gif[/img:6001c2d0bc]
GET WELL!!!!
- george barnard
- Posts: 55
- Joined: Tue Jul 03, 2012 2:34 pm
Here's Some Cheese
by BlackFinn » Thu May 31, 2012 2:36 am
Well maybe cheesy,
A cat ate a ball of yarn what did she have? Mittens!
Bernie, I might be a new comer and might not join the ranks, but take care of your health. What will they put on your stone? SOM killed him. Can you imagine the lawsuits! :D . What a way to go!
All kidding aside, take care of yourself, SOMO will survive!
A cat ate a ball of yarn what did she have? Mittens!
Bernie, I might be a new comer and might not join the ranks, but take care of your health. What will they put on your stone? SOM killed him. Can you imagine the lawsuits! :D . What a way to go!
All kidding aside, take care of yourself, SOMO will survive!
- BlackFinn
- Posts: 55
- Joined: Tue Jul 03, 2012 2:34 pm
by TRW » Thu May 31, 2012 6:41 am
A predator, an Alien and a hot chick walk into a bar...
(sorry Bernie, that's all I got...lol)
Ok, here's another one. It's not a joke, but I thought you (Bernie) would enjoy this.
http://hotchickswithpredators.tumblr.com/
(sorry Bernie, that's all I got...lol)
Ok, here's another one. It's not a joke, but I thought you (Bernie) would enjoy this.
http://hotchickswithpredators.tumblr.com/
- TRW
- Posts: 55
- Joined: Tue Jul 03, 2012 2:34 pm
by Treyomo » Thu May 31, 2012 7:14 am
A man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the man cuts a fart. His wife rolls over and asks, "What in the world was that?"
The man says, "Touchdown, I'm ahead, seven to nothing."
A few minutes later the wife lets one loose. The man says to her, "What was that?"
She replies, "Touchdown, tie score."
The man lays there for about ten minutes trying to work one up. He tries so hard that he ***** all over the bed.
The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?" He replies, "Half time. Switch sides."
The man says, "Touchdown, I'm ahead, seven to nothing."
A few minutes later the wife lets one loose. The man says to her, "What was that?"
She replies, "Touchdown, tie score."
The man lays there for about ten minutes trying to work one up. He tries so hard that he ***** all over the bed.
The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?" He replies, "Half time. Switch sides."
- Treyomo
- Posts: 55
- Joined: Tue Jul 03, 2012 2:34 pm
by voovits » Thu May 31, 2012 7:14 am
Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, "Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?" "I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask him."
So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun and you're standing in the shade?" "Intelligence," the boss said. "What do you mean, ‘intelligence'?"
The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can." The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand and the ditch digger hit the tree. The boss said, "That's intelligence!"
The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend asked, "What did he say?" "He said we are down here because of intelligence." "What's intelligence?" said the friend. The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said, "Take your shovel and hit my hand."
So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun and you're standing in the shade?" "Intelligence," the boss said. "What do you mean, ‘intelligence'?"
The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can." The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand and the ditch digger hit the tree. The boss said, "That's intelligence!"
The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend asked, "What did he say?" "He said we are down here because of intelligence." "What's intelligence?" said the friend. The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said, "Take your shovel and hit my hand."
- voovits
- Posts: 54
- Joined: Tue Jul 03, 2012 2:34 pm
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